I visited Castle Howard with my mum when I was about your age
As we wandered round the house she got angrier and angrier, muttering loudly enough for people nearby to hear things like 'Look at that! Look at that! Built on the backs of the working class', 'bloody effete aristocrats' and 'first up against the fucking wall'
She then insisted we buy a huge metal peacock which we had to carry miles to the car, barely fitted in even with the back seat down, and which squeaked alarmingly all the 200 miles home. It lives in her garden to this day, lurking in the shrubbery
I have to share a story here, though I hope it doesn't get me into trouble.
I was, amazingly, a proper good little Boy Scout - this was the Boy Scouts of America even though all my camping adventures took place in Spain, Germany and the UK. I did wilderness survival training and all that. I loved camping in my school years.
Fast forward to my early 20s. A girlfriend and I decided to go camping in upstate New Hampshire. It was her first time, she'd also grown up outside the US, so I thought I'd show off my camping 'skills'.
We also thought it would be a riot if we did some mushrooms to add to the experience. Bad idea.
An even worse idea: eating the mushrooms BEFORE setting up the tent. They were far more potent and kicked in much faster than anticipated.
An even WORSE idea: not checking the tent equipment before setting off. Turns out the poles and stakes were all missing. Nowhere to be found.
All my years of camping were in the European wilderness, just a few of us boys and our leaders. This was a ghastly organised campsite where you had to pay for an allotted space and there were people everywhere. I'd never seen this before.
The two of were a laughing mess. It was early afternoon and starting to drizzle and we were flustered over the missing poles, but neither of us could stop laughing at the absurdity of it all and other campers were not amused. Not one bit.
After an hour or two of fruitlessly and futilely attempting to put up a pole-less tent, we had no choice but to call it quits. It was raining harder by this point. But we couldn't leave, I was in no condition to drive and my girlfriend didn't have a license and as a non-US citizen, it was a tad risky, the more so because it was a rental car in my name. We had to wait it out, but I was in a right state. She felt fine, so she ended up driving and spending a couple of hours down the road at a roadside diner where we attempted to come to our senses.
That was over 2 decades ago and I haven't tried camping again.
Part of me feels like I can't imagine anything worse than camping with kids, part of me thinks it would be amazing (for them, still likely hell for me) and that they'd have the time of their lives. The blackout tent inside a tent is pure genius, and absolutely something I would also do (well done Louise, you're smashing it).
Also didn't clock at all that this was out of season, don't know how I didn't realise seeing as I live literally one county over from you, and it is absolutely freezing here.
Oh and ALSO, yes to National Trust cafes. I work for National Trust so could be seen as biased but honestly, I love them. Soup is always a winner!
Thanks for reading, Charlotte. Ha - I have to give her that one, the mini tent was a great shout.
There are lovely bits to it - the kids toasting marshmallows at sunset etc.- but it’s all massively tainted by the stonewall fact that I will have a horrific night’s sleep and wake up in a field!
Absolutely love camping ! One of my favourite things to do when the kids were little ! But I made it very easy with one of those ready made 6 man luxury inflatable tents , after a pole tent got shredded to pieces one year in a storm whilst erecting it !!! We made the tent shop , with 5 mins to spare and stuck it on my credit card ! Worth every penny ! Louise makes me laugh , stop sneezing Andy ! Cracks me up every time
Thanks, Francis. Glad you enjoyed it. I looked on enviously at people with the inflatable tents - sounds like it might be worth investing for next time. Ours is defo on its last legs now (would have to be a credit card job for me too, though!)
Ahh... that solves a mystery as that Jan post got loads more readers than usual so I think I have you to thank. Appreciate it!
I'm with you on camping I'm afraid Andy, I need Egyptian cotton sheets and a Tescos within spitting distance if I'm to have a good night's sleep. It does sound as if you had fun eventually though!
We were given our tents and who we would share with, and of course I was paired with Jon: Jules and Ben had their own. It was typical of my luck over the years…
There was a couple of Donkeys belonging to the Field Directors kids, which we had to hobnob with , at a distance . They were not to be approached lightly. Jon had discovered an affinity with one however, and was heard exclaiming how docile and nice they were. The rest of us gave them a wide berth. I tried to shut Jon up at intermittent intervals and make sure he wasn’t screwing up more than usual. Everyone else was having a whale of a time, chatting each other up and trying to snark our tutors .
By the time nighttime approached , we were whacked out on fresh air, cider, sausages , and a whole lot of other grub and beer . I just managed to crawl into my sleeping bag trying to ignore Jon’s inane ramblings about the day. And crashed.
Around 2 hours later, there was a horrendous racket as a black monster with a TRex roar forced its way into our tent flap . I thought the end time had come , with the Russians or Aliens had unleashed dogs of war on us. Frantically trying to find a torch and the zip to my sleeping bag, I heard Jon talking to the monster.
It was his Donkey, who had felt the need to commune with his new pal around past midnight .unbelievable!
The next morning, everyone knew that Jon had tried to achieve Nirvana with a Donkey, and by association , I was slapped with his notstardust too. It was never lived down , the tale of Jon, his Donkey and me…..
My most forgettable camping disaster was after I just began my degree in Archaeology at UCL, in the 80 s: we all had to take part in a camp/ intro to fieldwork/ make new friends ( or not) and generally fall about.
It was in Sussex, and labeled Primitive Technology( known as Prim Tech): East Sussex was where our Field work director had his base in. So we met up outside Gordon Square on a blustery October morning(7 am), and bundled into a bus. Grabbed a window seat and wondered what my chances were of getting some nooky this weekend not that I had previous form in that activity …there were some high stepping ladies there, as it was a combo of all the archaeology courses at UCL , including Medieval Archaeology, which we looked down on. More on that later.
In my tutorial group there were 3 other guys, two of whom, Ben and Jules, were tall , very hunky and filled with stardust, specially Jules, who had a magnetic power over Women as powerful as the Magnets in a Tokomak reactor. All he had to do was eyeball one and smile that devastating sideways smirk, and they would go gaaahgaah… he was half Indian, had olive skin and looked like a player.
I was 5” shorter but being in his vicinity , and darker in hue: I hoped that his proximity would smear some stardust on me too( never happened)
The other kid in our group was Jon, a lanky green from Sussex, with all the attributes of foot in mouth and endearing innocence ( if you were his Mum), with the ability to constantly screw himself up on all social occasions. Came the time when we got to our site ( having opassed through Hastings, which I remember vividly because of a drop dead gorgeous policewoman slinking down the high street)
😂 Thanks for reading, Margaret. I’m definitely still not sold by camping (at all) but… it’s been confirmed we’re going at least once - maybe twice - this year so need to try and be positive about it!
I'm in awe, because I am a woeful camper. Lost shorts as a scout, collapsed tents at festivals. The only time it's been any good, I have been babied through the whole process by more competent friends. Next time, I might rip that tap game off from your boys - it's all I'm good for.
Thanks for reading, mate! The lost shorts tale sounds like some decent material for a piece?!
The last music festival I went to was Bestival around 2010 - had a mostly great time but probably sub-8 hours all weekend. A broken man for about a week after it.
Haha, I'm not sure there's much in it - somehow my uniform shorts ended up on the archery range. I blame that little snake Justin, he was always out to get me.
I went to Bestival for my stag do in 2015. Broken man pretty much nails it!
Great piece, and hats off to you both for your camping efforts!
Personally, I loathe camping. It was all very well when the offspring were small and it was family Scout Group camp in the Lake District. That felt like we were participating in some kind of communal learning experience for the youngsters, so I just held my nose and dealt with the shared toilets.
But we then got talked into camping with a group of friends and their children at a place in the Dales. We were so close to our house that I could literally pop back in the morning to pick up something we needed. In other words, we spent money to sleep in a field when our own beds were, like, right there. Absolute nonsense, but I guess you could say it was a learning experience for me. The next time someone suggested it, I just told them all our gear was broken. :D
Thanks, Sarah. Ah, I’m surprised. I thought camping might be up your street?! Like the broken gear line - haha. We’ve been 4-5 times now and, although there are undoubtedly some nice bits, we have come home broken every single time!
Ps your post about the January blues , after I restacked it and said about losing a piece of cheese from my mouth , from laughing, I think had the most likes I’ve ever had 🤣🤣🤣
I visited Castle Howard with my mum when I was about your age
As we wandered round the house she got angrier and angrier, muttering loudly enough for people nearby to hear things like 'Look at that! Look at that! Built on the backs of the working class', 'bloody effete aristocrats' and 'first up against the fucking wall'
She then insisted we buy a huge metal peacock which we had to carry miles to the car, barely fitted in even with the back seat down, and which squeaked alarmingly all the 200 miles home. It lives in her garden to this day, lurking in the shrubbery
Never ever visit Castle Howard with my mum
😂 😂 Fantastic. Pleased to hear the metal peacock lives on!
I have to share a story here, though I hope it doesn't get me into trouble.
I was, amazingly, a proper good little Boy Scout - this was the Boy Scouts of America even though all my camping adventures took place in Spain, Germany and the UK. I did wilderness survival training and all that. I loved camping in my school years.
Fast forward to my early 20s. A girlfriend and I decided to go camping in upstate New Hampshire. It was her first time, she'd also grown up outside the US, so I thought I'd show off my camping 'skills'.
We also thought it would be a riot if we did some mushrooms to add to the experience. Bad idea.
An even worse idea: eating the mushrooms BEFORE setting up the tent. They were far more potent and kicked in much faster than anticipated.
An even WORSE idea: not checking the tent equipment before setting off. Turns out the poles and stakes were all missing. Nowhere to be found.
All my years of camping were in the European wilderness, just a few of us boys and our leaders. This was a ghastly organised campsite where you had to pay for an allotted space and there were people everywhere. I'd never seen this before.
The two of were a laughing mess. It was early afternoon and starting to drizzle and we were flustered over the missing poles, but neither of us could stop laughing at the absurdity of it all and other campers were not amused. Not one bit.
After an hour or two of fruitlessly and futilely attempting to put up a pole-less tent, we had no choice but to call it quits. It was raining harder by this point. But we couldn't leave, I was in no condition to drive and my girlfriend didn't have a license and as a non-US citizen, it was a tad risky, the more so because it was a rental car in my name. We had to wait it out, but I was in a right state. She felt fine, so she ended up driving and spending a couple of hours down the road at a roadside diner where we attempted to come to our senses.
That was over 2 decades ago and I haven't tried camping again.
😂 Excellent decision making there! Putting up a tent without hallucinogens is hard enough.
Sounds like it was a lot of fun though - makes for a great story.
(I am not going to comment on any comparable personal experiences on a blog post that my mum might read.)
Part of me feels like I can't imagine anything worse than camping with kids, part of me thinks it would be amazing (for them, still likely hell for me) and that they'd have the time of their lives. The blackout tent inside a tent is pure genius, and absolutely something I would also do (well done Louise, you're smashing it).
Also didn't clock at all that this was out of season, don't know how I didn't realise seeing as I live literally one county over from you, and it is absolutely freezing here.
Oh and ALSO, yes to National Trust cafes. I work for National Trust so could be seen as biased but honestly, I love them. Soup is always a winner!
Thanks for reading, Charlotte. Ha - I have to give her that one, the mini tent was a great shout.
There are lovely bits to it - the kids toasting marshmallows at sunset etc.- but it’s all massively tainted by the stonewall fact that I will have a horrific night’s sleep and wake up in a field!
Absolutely love camping ! One of my favourite things to do when the kids were little ! But I made it very easy with one of those ready made 6 man luxury inflatable tents , after a pole tent got shredded to pieces one year in a storm whilst erecting it !!! We made the tent shop , with 5 mins to spare and stuck it on my credit card ! Worth every penny ! Louise makes me laugh , stop sneezing Andy ! Cracks me up every time
Thanks, Francis. Glad you enjoyed it. I looked on enviously at people with the inflatable tents - sounds like it might be worth investing for next time. Ours is defo on its last legs now (would have to be a credit card job for me too, though!)
Ahh... that solves a mystery as that Jan post got loads more readers than usual so I think I have you to thank. Appreciate it!
It's always carrot and coriander!
I'm with you on camping I'm afraid Andy, I need Egyptian cotton sheets and a Tescos within spitting distance if I'm to have a good night's sleep. It does sound as if you had fun eventually though!
Haha, it is, isn't it? I was fine roughing it in my teens/twenties but I'm pretty pathetic these days - anything for a good nights' sleep!
Thanks for reading, Faith!
We were given our tents and who we would share with, and of course I was paired with Jon: Jules and Ben had their own. It was typical of my luck over the years…
There was a couple of Donkeys belonging to the Field Directors kids, which we had to hobnob with , at a distance . They were not to be approached lightly. Jon had discovered an affinity with one however, and was heard exclaiming how docile and nice they were. The rest of us gave them a wide berth. I tried to shut Jon up at intermittent intervals and make sure he wasn’t screwing up more than usual. Everyone else was having a whale of a time, chatting each other up and trying to snark our tutors .
By the time nighttime approached , we were whacked out on fresh air, cider, sausages , and a whole lot of other grub and beer . I just managed to crawl into my sleeping bag trying to ignore Jon’s inane ramblings about the day. And crashed.
Around 2 hours later, there was a horrendous racket as a black monster with a TRex roar forced its way into our tent flap . I thought the end time had come , with the Russians or Aliens had unleashed dogs of war on us. Frantically trying to find a torch and the zip to my sleeping bag, I heard Jon talking to the monster.
It was his Donkey, who had felt the need to commune with his new pal around past midnight .unbelievable!
The next morning, everyone knew that Jon had tried to achieve Nirvana with a Donkey, and by association , I was slapped with his notstardust too. It was never lived down , the tale of Jon, his Donkey and me…..
😂 I think you should write a post on this trip. Guessing you're not still in touch with John (or the donkey) these days?!
Thanks for reading and sharing your tale, Prasanna.
My most forgettable camping disaster was after I just began my degree in Archaeology at UCL, in the 80 s: we all had to take part in a camp/ intro to fieldwork/ make new friends ( or not) and generally fall about.
It was in Sussex, and labeled Primitive Technology( known as Prim Tech): East Sussex was where our Field work director had his base in. So we met up outside Gordon Square on a blustery October morning(7 am), and bundled into a bus. Grabbed a window seat and wondered what my chances were of getting some nooky this weekend not that I had previous form in that activity …there were some high stepping ladies there, as it was a combo of all the archaeology courses at UCL , including Medieval Archaeology, which we looked down on. More on that later.
In my tutorial group there were 3 other guys, two of whom, Ben and Jules, were tall , very hunky and filled with stardust, specially Jules, who had a magnetic power over Women as powerful as the Magnets in a Tokomak reactor. All he had to do was eyeball one and smile that devastating sideways smirk, and they would go gaaahgaah… he was half Indian, had olive skin and looked like a player.
I was 5” shorter but being in his vicinity , and darker in hue: I hoped that his proximity would smear some stardust on me too( never happened)
The other kid in our group was Jon, a lanky green from Sussex, with all the attributes of foot in mouth and endearing innocence ( if you were his Mum), with the ability to constantly screw himself up on all social occasions. Came the time when we got to our site ( having opassed through Hastings, which I remember vividly because of a drop dead gorgeous policewoman slinking down the high street)
I’m very much a fair weather camper and a for one night only, which basically means no one can be bothered going to all that trouble.
It’s a remarkable achievement and I salute you. A great read as ever Andy.
😂 Thanks for reading, Margaret. I’m definitely still not sold by camping (at all) but… it’s been confirmed we’re going at least once - maybe twice - this year so need to try and be positive about it!
I'm in awe, because I am a woeful camper. Lost shorts as a scout, collapsed tents at festivals. The only time it's been any good, I have been babied through the whole process by more competent friends. Next time, I might rip that tap game off from your boys - it's all I'm good for.
Thanks for reading, mate! The lost shorts tale sounds like some decent material for a piece?!
The last music festival I went to was Bestival around 2010 - had a mostly great time but probably sub-8 hours all weekend. A broken man for about a week after it.
Haha, I'm not sure there's much in it - somehow my uniform shorts ended up on the archery range. I blame that little snake Justin, he was always out to get me.
I went to Bestival for my stag do in 2015. Broken man pretty much nails it!
Great piece, and hats off to you both for your camping efforts!
Personally, I loathe camping. It was all very well when the offspring were small and it was family Scout Group camp in the Lake District. That felt like we were participating in some kind of communal learning experience for the youngsters, so I just held my nose and dealt with the shared toilets.
But we then got talked into camping with a group of friends and their children at a place in the Dales. We were so close to our house that I could literally pop back in the morning to pick up something we needed. In other words, we spent money to sleep in a field when our own beds were, like, right there. Absolute nonsense, but I guess you could say it was a learning experience for me. The next time someone suggested it, I just told them all our gear was broken. :D
Thanks, Sarah. Ah, I’m surprised. I thought camping might be up your street?! Like the broken gear line - haha. We’ve been 4-5 times now and, although there are undoubtedly some nice bits, we have come home broken every single time!
Ps your post about the January blues , after I restacked it and said about losing a piece of cheese from my mouth , from laughing, I think had the most likes I’ve ever had 🤣🤣🤣