19 Comments
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Wendy Varley's avatar

Some people really make you question your life goals, don't they. Impeccably-bearded Lisbon man sounds incredibly accomplished. I expect with his skills he'd have lobbed the nappy sack straight into the bin and got carried down the street on your neighbours' shoulders.

Andy Carter's avatar

😂 I don’t doubt it. Don’t think there was much this guy couldn’t do!

He wasn’t even arrogant with it - a really nice bloke.

Margaret Bennett's avatar

I had a pedicure this summer and was sat next to a footballer and his wife. I did a similar google search based on the conversation he was having and it yielded no results. So much for AI eh Andy?

Andy Carter's avatar

Haha, exactly. Now I’m wondering who it was?!

It was quite exciting though - the only celebrities I ever see are Emmerdale actors as it’s filmed up the road!

Rosalind's avatar

I loved the Google search you did, strange it didn't pick anything up.

Nowadays AI would have sorted it double quick...

Andy Carter's avatar

Hate to admit but I’ve asked ChatGPT too and got nowhere. The mystery remains!

Thanks for reading!

Lewis Holmes's avatar

Andy, I cannot stress this enough: I *need* to know who that footballer was. It is imperative.

Andy Carter's avatar

Cristiano something-or-other?

Honestly, I spent longer than I’d care to admit trying to find out who he was but no dice. He said he lived nearby so hopefully one day our paths will cross again.

Lewis Holmes's avatar

I ended up googling this afternoon based on nothing more than your clues. That’s how much I need to know.

Sara's avatar

Haha really puts it into perspective doesn’t it? I’m sure he was riveted with the shit story tho!

Andy Carter's avatar

Haha. Probably no coincidence that I’ve seen him again!

Fiona Whittaker's avatar

But did you get to go to his restaurant?

Francis F's avatar

Hehe Andy, I do that now now with cat poo. I just fling it out the door and hope for the best ! Obviously when I leave the house I put it in the bin! But sometimes I can’t find it 🤣

Daniel Puzzo's avatar

Let's be honest, who *hasn't* launched a bag of moist turds in the neighbours' direction? 😉

We could have a competition to see who's worse at DIY and anything practical with our hands, because I am equally useless, my old man still ribs me for my failure to put together a basic floor fan.

Remember that story from the Guinness brewery in Dublin? While my friend and I were on our 9th or so Guinness (not that we were counting), we got talking to an older, very heavyset dude and we noticed a couple of massive gold rings on one hand. He told us his name was 'Mack' and those were Super Bowl rings from the first two Super Bowls when he played on the Packers! He definitely looked the part, but we were never able to find out if he was telling the truth or not, we could find no record of any 'Macks' at the time. In the years since (the rise of the internet, yay!) there is still nothing - this was back in 1996, so he figured he could say anything and get away with it.

Garry Sheridan's avatar

What fantastic post!!

Wandering With Art & Soul's avatar

The headline made me think you’d got angry with the neighbour’s dog but the real story was much better. What an arm!

Helen Barrell's avatar

Hahaha, the removal men!

We're preparing to move and as a pre-emptive strike, a removal man came last week to take a load of boxes into storage. I couldn't believe how much he could carry. He was taking two or three boxes at once when I'd struggle to take just one!

As he approached a plastic crate containing several years' worth of Fortean Timeses (including a copy from the 90s with Mulder and Scully on the cover!), I said, "Watch out for that one, it's really heavy."

He gave me a withering look and picked it up with another one tottering on top!

And I'm sure your footballer guy was the real-deal. You never know. There's a little Mexican restaurant just around the corner from me and there's a Mexican guy who plays for Wolverhampton who keeps popping in there with his family because the food's so authentic!

Angus Stevenson's avatar

I didn’t even know there were suede suits! I’ve only really met one footballer, an in-law who played a few games for Ipswich, but he certainly had an intensity and charisma about him.

Lee Bacon's avatar

Very funny. I like the way you pulled it all together at the end with the poopy bag callback.

Did you ever figure out who the well-groomed ex-footballer was?